Friday, September 19, 2008

Keggy Kidnapping Kaper

Keggy the Keg has been stolen. This is evidently a legitimate criminal affair.

The letter from the Jack-O-Lantern (language):

Upon returning to campus for pre-orientation, members of the Dartmouth Jack-O-Lantern discovered that Keggy the Keg, Dartmouth's beloved, chronically intoxicated mascot, was no longer in our possession. Previously residing in Robinson Hall room 205, it appears that sometime in mid- to late August, Keggy was forcibly abducted.

Since Keggy is our property, this is a CRIME!

The theft has been reported to both Safety *and* Security. And Hanover Police. If H-Po finds Keggy in your frat or dorm room, they will not fuck around.

In five short years, Keggy has become an engrained member of the Dartmouth community. We really love bringing Keggy to campus, but we have been unable to see the smiles on the wee '12s' faces this pre-o because Keggy has been unavailable for public appearances. And because his thieves failed to take the interior harness or costume, his shell alone cannot be worn by man. (In other words, Keggy will not be appearing at Homecoming, at other sports events, or anywhere else, until we get him back.)

If you provide a tip that leads to Keggy's recovery, we will shower you with free Keggy merchandise.
Contact:

* Us! (609) 651-7431
* Safety & Security: (603) 646-4000
* Hanover Police: (603) 643-2222

Thanks. Go kegs!


Is it possible that a certain Moose or ubiquitous color had something to do with this? More will undoubtedly be forthcoming!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Is it possible that a certain Moose or ubiquitous color had something to do with this?"

Um, no. Crazy as it sounds, not everything can be blamed on the PR police. Most of the SA types who want the Dartmoose in place don't have a problem with Keggy; the official line is that Keggy is a great informal mascot, but Dartmouth needs an official one.

I mean, the Dartmoose is pretty dumb and lacks student support, I just don't think it's to blame for this incident.

Anonymous said...

It's like that episode of Saved By the Bell where Valley kidnapped the Bayside mascot...

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